Not-so-silent skeletons cause shame

Talk-radio shows induce masochistic travel habits

Shawn Havel Co-editor

We all have skeletons in our closets.

Secrets we wouldn't want anyone to know under most circumstances. Secrets we wouldn't want to own up to unless we were threatened with our lives.

Today is not the day those secrets will be revealed. Instead, I offer a slightly embarrassing tidbit about my obsession with moronic radio programs.

Once upon a time in Laramie

It all started when I was living in Laramie, a town that is nice to visit a friend in, but not so great to live in. I worked at a hotel overnight, and because Laramie was such an unbearable place for me to live most of the time, after I got off at 7 a.m. I would dart to my car and start heading up the treacherous roads of I-80 in southeast Wyoming.

Normally, I would listen to National Public Radio's morning shows or 96.7, which plays the pop-music hits of two months ago that are finally making their way to the Equality State. But, coincidentally, just about the time I was tiring with 96.7, I was arriving at the top of the summit where reception for a Denver station 96.1 (also pop-music) starts. I heard voices…static…and voices again. They seemed to be talking to me about Justin Beiber and yoga and cheating lovers. And I was intrigued.

As the signal increased in clarity, I found myself willing to subject myself to hear more of the nonsense and shenanigans. I discovered this idiocy I was hearing was dubbed the JohnJay and Rich show.

In a nutshell, the show is pretty much the buffoon protagonist, JohnJay, and his sidekicks, Rich, who seems to be the brains of the bunch, which says little, and Kyle, a female who mocks JohnJay's blatant sexism and idiocy.

Together, they create a cacophony of dumb. They interview celebrities, discuss health fads and, most importantly, sabotage relationships on a weekly basis in one of their segments.

Yet, I cannot stop listening. I'm hopelessly enamored by quite possibly the stupidest program ever allowed on the radio.

Hope radio program induces listener rage

Another program on the same radio station that comes on Sunday nights is called the "Hope Line." They'd like you to believe they inspire hope into the young people of the world, but really it evokes so much rage that I typically want to pound my head into oblivion with clenched fists.

I agree with the premise of the show. Giving advice to young people is typically what older people like to do. And young people like to receive advice so they can grow and not be tormented by their first relationship for the rest of their lives. However, the flaw is I am at least 64 percent certain the host has no training in psychology or counseling. It's like me giving someone math or science advice. Yeah, I'm pretty interested in those things, and I watch "Symphony of Science" on YouTube fairly regularly, but do I have any grasp for the concept of wormholes? The answer is a resounding, emphatic and painful no.

So I really just listen to this program most Sundays knowing I will be horribly offended by the advice this guy is giving to people. And what makes it worse is his blatant disregard and intolerance of non-Christian beliefs. I don't have any problems with Christian ideals, but to force them into the resolution of every single conceivable dilemma that anyone ever could possibly have is insulting.

Regardless, I like to listen, and I really shouldn't. In truth, I probably shouldn't have written this column at all. I should have just listened to NPR because at least when I listen to "Car Talk," I don't hate myself immediately afterward.

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