Fantasy football leads to nirvana

A lot of people have spent much of their lives searching for higher meaning and attempting to achieve greatness. Some spend their time in meditation, searching for the elusive state-of-being known as nirvana. Some read the works of the world's greatest minds, tirelessly picking apart the ideas of philosophers to find the right way to live.

Victorious in football draft

I do neither, but I am almost 100 percent sure I've accomplished the greatest feat of humankind—drafting the entire New England Patriots’ offense in a fantasy football draft.

I'm unsure how it happened, but it did, and I'm incredibly sure I will go undefeated this year with the exception of week nine when I must throw some backups in. No matter, football glory is looming in a few brief, yet satisfying months.

Loosing time, focus

Though this is realistically the greatest feat ever achieved, I must pause and wonder about the time I’ve lost and the time I’ll lose. It took me only six drafts (this year) to do it, which equates to six hours of my not doing something else. In comparison to the meditators searching for nirvana and the philosophers searching for meaning, I'm pretty sure I've won based on time. One could say I've used my time about as efficiently as Tom Brady running a two-minute drill in the fourth quarter, but still I'm not entirely sure I can justify this expenditure of time because I'm going on my second year as editor of a college paper, and I know how awful my life will be throughout the semester.

It's not a huge amount of time lost, but it is time, and I probably won't get it back. As far as I know, no one has made any progress in manufacturing time machines, and I probably should have been doing something that would actually enhance my skill set and could eventually be monetized. If I had spent the hours messing around with fantasy football drafts instead of working on anything else, I probably could afford all my textbooks opposed to having to buy some now and the rest later.

Confusion curses all philosophers

But I suppose I'll take the small losses for the greater good, which includes my destroying a fantasy football league and feeling as if I've achieved something in what will certainly be a very long semester.

I’ll have no time for myself throughout the duration of the week, so perhaps it’s fair for me to allow myself a few hours of fanatically following and breaking down every single football game that occurs each Sunday.

In the end, all this inner circular argumentation probably gets me nowhere and leaves me in the same situation with the philosophers, and although I’ll certainly win the majority of my leagues, somehow I’ll never be satisfied with my achievements. At least until Matt Berry retires and ESPN can justify paying someone whose only advice to fantasy owners is “draft the Patriots, dude.”


May 2012: Gods forsake mortel

April 2012: Not-so-silent skeletons cause shame

March 2012: Einstein, Gandhi, Sun Tzu and...The Dishwasher

February 2012: Despite feeling old, editor seeks higher education

December 2011: The Chronicles of Nerdia

November 2011: Satire speaks truth

October 2011: Editor reflects upon becoming the walking dead

September 2011: Editor's perspective altered by foreign experiences